Daryn

You took her away from me...

2005-09-24T05:50:00.000-07:00

You took her away from me...

Even if you forget me...

I'll never forget you...

It’s been 9 days since she walk away from me. I'm still thinking about it. Every night I dream of her leaving me for this guy. I can't really do anything. I just love her too much. The love that is in me has reached its highest limits. No other love can compare to mine. But she doesn't know and she doesn't care. All she wants is her pretty boy. Why did he have to come into our life? Why did he have to take her away from me? I could feel the breakdown soon. My heart can no longer take this anymore. You say you would love me forever...

So you thought I'm happy just because you read something from a blog. I'm not. All those are just for a short period. I get home at night and it’s a different story. You will definitely not understand how I feel. You will never because I never walk away for another girl. Why do you want to make me suffer in silence? Why do you want to ignore me when I needed you most? You say you don't want to be involve in a relationship no more. Its just a lie. You hope you love pretty boy more.

Do you know I can't live without you? Do you know I can do anything for you? All the love I gave you. We've gone through many problems together. I'm willing to sacrifice all the things you don't want me to. I really can. I'm missing something and it’s obviously you. I know you still love me. You still get jealous when Sharon is with me. I know you haven't forgotten me. But you just want me to break down and cry in front of you. Am I not correct?

I'm angry. I'm angry. I'm very angry! He took you away from me. Why? Why did he have to do this to me? Why...

Middle of the night. I stole the car keys. Drove to your place. Took out a box full of memories. Thinking of you under your block. I cired. Look one last time and headed home. Sweet memories indeed...

"He waited 4 years. She let him for wait 4 years. And he is still waiting. My waiting has just started. My pain will never end. I don't know how and I don't know when."

I don't get the point of blogging anymore. She reads and what’s the point? Let her know I'm in pain so she can laugh at me? Like she will come back to me after she reads it. Haha. What a joke! I'm silly... I feel like ending my life. Everything forgotten. Everything no more...

"If only cuts will make you care about me, I will do it forever. At least I know you care and did worried for me."

"Only the cuts will make me feel better."

The perfect "imperfect" person...

2005-09-23T14:23:00.000-07:00

The perfect "imperfect" person...

True love does not come by finding the very perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. I finally understand.

Tears and rain...

2005-09-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

Tears and rain...

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

Untitled...

2005-09-22T12:48:00.000-07:00

Untitled...

Lost in your words...
Leaving only smile to bid goodbye...
The moment when both walk past...
And both become total strangers...
Used to remember your expression...
Used to remember the words we used to say...
Used to remember your smile...
Used to remember the happy moments we had...
And now without you...
I'm lost...

I must leave, I had to leave...
My tear's drop when I thought of holding your hands.
My love for you had grown with times.
But it seems like I have been hurting you more than loving you.
Hope You'll forgive me.
Forgive an idiot like me.
If there's a way to turn back time...
I wish I could turn to the day we first met...
I want to hug you...
Hug you tight...
Hug you close...
So that I could say...
You are my love...
My only love...

On the days you decide leave,
You wave your hands and bid goodbye...
As if we would see each other again,
In this city tomorrow...
To believe in love...
Means you'll not lose to yourselves,
Until your dreams comes true...
I'll be smiling and looking up into the stars to pray for you...
I will be there...
I want to be your sky & envelope your sadness...
Whenever you look up, you'll know you are not alone...
Even if you are far away,
You'll know you'll have a place to come back to...

An entry just for you...

2005-09-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

An entry just for you...

I understand how you're feeling now, right at the verge of breaking down. You no longer yearn the love from anyone but yourself. You just want to relax; you just want a break from all things. You felt like a sandwich between him and me. I'm sorry for all these.

I don't like to read your blog. Whenever I read and ponder at your photos, I silently cry to myself. But if I don't make a stop at your blog, I'll never know what's going on between the two of you. Anyway, what’s the point of telling you these? You might not understand and that makes me breakdown even more. Just like you said, I'm just a cry baby.

People just keep repeating the same words to me. "If you love the person, let the person go. If the person was meant to be together with you, she will eventually come back no matter how long it takes." But my heart was saying the opposite. "What if I let the person go and the person never comes back. What should I do?" I guess all your friends are just telling you to stay away from me. I don't have a chance to redeem myself. I feel so useless.

I thought to myself, "Why was I like this in the past? Why do I have to be like this?" All these were brought upon me. No one else but myself. I hate myself and hate it to the core. I cannot even protect the person I love. I cannot even love you anymore. I regretted everything in the past. Everything is too late. So late I can't even forgive myself anymore. I can't bring myself to see you two together. The kissing and hugging scene keeps on turning up on my mind. I cannot take this feeling. I hate him. Hate him when I knew he kissed you. But do I have the power do this? I only know I no longer hold the key to your broken heart.

I cut myself again and again just to blame myself. I want to feel the pain. Only through the pain and the cries at night I can feel better. I made you worried, but I don't want to. I want you to be happy just like you want me to be happy. I want you to live a cheerful life. I want the Karyn to be like three years ago. I love the smile you give me and the concern you send out. I just don't like him touching you. To touch the girl that once belongs to me. The girl that once loved me like crazy. I don't like him at all.

And yes. I'm holding tight so I won't regret letting you go. I know I'm not giving you air to breath. So I finally thought to myself and made a very unwilling decision. I'm letting go. I'm really letting you go. I want to make you happy. I don't you to be sad. I'm not willing to, but I really want to see the person I always love to be happy and always.

I hope you still treat me like a friend. I want to share your sorrow and happiness. You told me that you always wanted someone to share, and I want to be that someone. I want to be the first when something happens. May it be good or bad. I hope you will call me. I want to be your best friend, your best buddy.

No matter if you decide to stay or leave him, I will always be at your waiting counter. One year? Two years? Five years? I'll still be waiting. May all my friends be my witness. She will only be the girl or I'll never find another. If God made us meet three years ago, it wasn't for nothing. God might be punishing me now for my past. I will take this punishment seriously and think back on what I've done.

"I'll continue to be in the waiting line."

"I love you. Till the end..."

Strawberry and cola lollipops are your favourites...

2005-09-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

Strawberry and cola lollipops are your favourites...

Every morning when I first try to open my eyes which I hate to, all I think is her. All I want is to see her by my side smiling at me with the cute little voice greeting me, 'good morning'. I know I'm thinking a little too much but there is nothing I can do.

I want to apologise her for yesterday, making her worried about me. At least she was and my heart felt soft somewhere for the instant moment. Tears was trying to slip out but I kept them in. I didn't want my camp mates to see my like this.

To my friends out there, I don't have many but I've you. Do not be too worried about me. Daryn, the man, knows what he is doing and he will do at his very best. I might think about it now and then, but I'm really ok. At least I think I will.

I appreciate the talk with you this early morning. It made me feel that you haven't forget about me. It made me feel I'm still thought of... Thank you.

The chapter of my life...

2005-09-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

The chapter of my life...

Its quite clearly stated in this chapter of my life. I'm done for it. Its over... Enjoy the music now for nothing last forever. I know where I stand in the subjects of her life now. If all this while she could love this other guy, how else could I feel? I'm just an idiot waiting for a tree to blossom...

Why would you be scared of me? Unless you did something wrong, you shouldn't be... After reading your blog over and over again, especially the first few entries, I felt like I'm nothing to you.

"however i felt like a bitch. but i choose to avoid.
you played with my feelings. and my pretty boy mend my heart.
who would i choose. DEFINITELY not you. so sorry. im leaving.
((:"

There goes another deep scar...

So he came into your world when I didn't have the time. So he took advantage of your broken heart and came in from the backdoor. And I'm just easily replace afterall...

Replacing a page for a page... So afterall I'm still just a page of her book. If replacing can make her happy, then I just have to let it be. And why can't I just forget her? Why must I recieve all these while they are now holding hands and smiling at each other? Why would I want to beg for a chance? Do I still need to be that silly boy waiting? How long do I have to then?

If you're not the one...

2005-09-20T01:56:00.000-07:00

If you're not the one...

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all.

I don't want to run away but I can't take it, I don't understand. If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you're not for me then why does this distance aim my life? If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away But I know that this much is true. And I hope you are the one I share my life with and I wish that you could be the one I die with. And I pray in you're the one I build my home with. I hope I love you all my life.

Because I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away. And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today because I love you, whether it's wrong or right.

The experience today...

2005-09-19T23:08:00.000-07:00

The experience today...

It hurts to find out that the reality that you once believed to be true was no more than a dream, a figment of your imagination gone haywire, a desperate plea of your subconscious. It was like a big blow to your guts, a stinging slap to your face and a vicious kick to your shin, hurting you like nothing you've ever experienced before.

Have you ever cared about someone so much it hurts every time you think of the person, but you can't do nothing about it because you're willing to endure the pain. And becuase you would do anything for the person, but while he or she is still with someone else. And the hardest thing you can do is to watch the person you love, loving that someone else...

Feels like life has pressed the pause button...

2005-09-19T05:40:00.000-07:00

Feels like life has pressed the pause button...

I loved you deeply that I still feel the pain of losing you, and I'll never have the chance to know why you finally gave up holding on to the love you promised me to be forever. My unread poem is kept with my broken heart. The poem tells everything I wanted to say but you were suddenly with someone else, it tears me apart. Letting you go is the greatest mistake I did in life. I was so dumb to let you leave me. Now I feel so sad and lonely and regret for what I've done. For the last time may I say I love you. You will always have a special place in my heart.

I took a stand and I've choosen to wait for you again. I want to change for you, and not you change for me this time. And I meant it.

I will wait...